Thursday, February 9
Chester-le-Street, UK


Barry Potter and The Giant Slayer’s Goals

Chester Town Ladies v Doncaster Belles 
FA Cup 2nd qualifier 😉
6th October 2019
To say that Kevin Costner would have loved the conditions, was to be vastly understated …🤔
Moor Park was Waterworld and yet the game was still on👏👏👏👏👏
Ron ‘Jesus’ Surrey had performed miracles once again 🙌🙌🙌🙌
The Belles were our supreme test today, they are multiple winners of The FA..
  • 1983, 1987, 1988, 1990, 1992, 1994
  • 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
This would be a serious test of The Cestrian Gladiators..
Rumours of Brogba moving to Real Madrid were rife this morning…
JB could not comment,
 but denied Chester Town had received a 100m Euro offer for the star player… 
Right from the first whistle The Chester Town piranhas were straight out on the attack; nipping and biting at The Belles ankles…. 
every part of their game seemed to be an immediate improvement from previous weeks. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
After just 7 minutes Chester got their just desserts..
The Hockinator played a beautiful through ball for The Giant Slayer who never looked like missing, 
confidently stroking the ball into the back of the goal.
Those two have a symbiotic partnership.
 1-0 and a great start! 
The Belles made some great passes of their own and came close to equalising on a couple of occasions within the following 5 minutes..
 Jonesy The Cat fresh from her adventures in deep space(Alien circa 1979) and playfully saved one brilliantly. 
The 2nd attempt was headed towards goal, but The Cat leapt and hissed aggressively putting off the Belles striker, the ball missing the goal.
Unbeknown to many, Commander Baz had deviously added a couple of drops of ‘CatNip’ to the leathery orb… 😉
17 minutes in we decided to make the tie more exciting for the neutral observer…
The Cat was distracted as she sharpened her claws on the many posts available, it was a Pandora’s box of temptation….🤨
But she was late coming off her goal line to make the clearance… 
the ball then comically bounced off the back of Brogba and Belles’ Emily Burgen was the quickest to react and put the comedy ball into the empty net. 😳
Chester responded immediately through The Giant Slayer and Officer Dibble. 
The Slayer put a purposeful pass through for Officer Dibble who hit a boomer shot on target, but the Belles keeper was able to Dino Zoff it and put the ball out for a corner… oooff close!! 
The Tieganegger delivered a tremendous  free kick from just outside the 18-yard box into the penalty area…
The Hockinator moved intuitively and stealth-like managing to get a quick shot away, but again the dastardly Belles Keeper saved!😤
At this point Chester continued to apply further pressure on the Belles goal..
making sure that their keeper, Kirsty Johnson, was kept very busy.
In the 39th minute Chester had another free kick; The Tieganegger pummelling it hard and low, 
but the Belles manager Don Trump had done a formidable job, 
the Mexican wall held strong!! 🤨
Fortuitously The arcing ball rebounded out to Giggsy who postured, took a sublime touch, posed for Smithy’s photograph and winked, 
as a gleam of pure light twinkled from her perfect pearly whites and proceeded to blast a howitzer of a shot from around 30 yards goalward!!
Think Ronaldhino v England 2002 World Cup… the ball rocketed towards the top corner, Certain goal man!!
All of a sudden a zephyr blew across the Moor Park turf… 
we all looked in astonishment as Manager Trump, all red faced and sweaty was blowing his cheeks out,
Blasting his breathe like a Typhoon!😳
and Causing the ball to rise up and smash off the cross bar 👀 Referee!!!
Nobody there to finish it off…😤😤
Half time ensued and the teams alighted the hallowed turf in parity, 
the score 1-1.
The Wrath of Khan(Star Trek circa 1982):
The 2nd half started with determined energy from both sides..
And on 53 minutes The Belles took the lead as The Dark Destroyer misjudged the cruel bounce of the ball which let in Nadia Khan; she played a ball across the goal to Chloe Bethell who finished well, leaving The Cat flailing as if trying to jump up the curtains, no chance! 🤨 
And not the start we were looking for! 
Then Just 3 minutes later the Cestrians were awarded a penalty as Kirsty Smith handled the ball in the box. 
The Giant Slayer Saw her opportunity, steely eyes, hooves raking the ground, (Ron was ganning mental….)
PaddyPower stopped
Taking bets at this point… it was as certain as Maximus Kelly buying a pie at The Rave Cave at half time🤣
She stepped up, gave the keeper the eyes and smashed the ball
Into the onion bag! 
2-2and Euphoric scenes at Moor Park.
We were back in this, 
The Never say die attitude was tangible.
On 68 minutes Giggsy laid off a slide rule pass, under pressure, but perfectly to The Giant Slayer who received gratefully.
She was heard quoting the Lord’s Prayer 
‘For what we are about to receive may Lord Burlison be truly grateful’🙏
As she swivelled and slaughtered the ball into the Goal!!! 
hat-trick completed, 
And with aplomb 3-2..
The momentum had swung 2-1 down and back to leading 3-2 just shows what the Cestrian Legends are made of…
super-sub KC and The Sunshine band came on for Officer Dibble and gymnastically contorted her body into a position more accustomed to the 10metre diving board! 😳
It was like a scene from a spaghetti Western crossed with Sea World 
as she flipped like a dolphin smashing the ball high and handsome,
tumbleweed blowing across Moor Park, players standing still with looks of incredulity on their ghostly white faces… surely not!!!
Surely yes Don Trump whispered under his Chimichanga breath… Bosh! 
Into the top corner and under the bar! 
4-2 and the final nail in the coffin for The Belles. 
The Belles refused to give up as they kept trying to pull a goal back, 
but The Cat just played with the Belles😉for the remaining time and made several pivotal saves for the Cestrians to maintain their 2-goal lead.. 
Full time!! 
Coach Don Trump defeated, what a scalp!
Chester-le-Street winning 4-2 and progressing to the 3rd round of the Women’s FA Cup. 
Stephanie ‘The Cat’Jones,
 Katie ‘The Dark Destroyer’ Ellison, 
Jessica ‘Jellyfish’ Ellison,
 Anna ‘Giggsy’ Collin, 
Brogan ‘Brogba’ Prudhoe 
(Rachel ‘Toes’ Mellor 80mins), 
Lynsey ‘Toon Toon’ Longhurst, 
Jessica ‘Snowy’ White, 
Tiegan ‘Tieganegger’ Hutchinson (Lucy Jackman 80mins), 
Nichole ‘The Giant Slayer’ Havery, 
Laura ‘The Hockinator’ Hockaday 
Nichole ‘Officer Dibble’ Thompson-Clarke(TC from TopCat🤨)
 (Kacie ‘Sunshine’ Elson 59mins). 
Unused subs: 
Shannon ‘Shazza’ Etherington,(Gazza)
 Abigail ‘Force 10’ Thompson.(guns of Navarone) 

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